
Say bye to college ball! Hello NBA Power Rankings!
Wed, Oct 1, 2008 by Purple and Gold
College basketball is already over and let me say a big congratulations to Ateneo and San Beda for making their chief financier Manny V. Pangilinan squirt an orgasm like he was 18. Good Job to Ateneo for breaking the seemingly impossible to break 14-year curse and sweeping the De La Salle Green Archers in their best of three finals series, thanks to Rico Maierhofer's mysterious middle finger that bedazzled the referees. La Salle was clearly outmatched and outplayed by the Eagles who had considerable help from the three blind mice that is on the picture on my right. Speaking of something in threes, congratulations to the San Beda Red Lions too for bagging their third straight championship. I hope you beat Ateneo's arses in the Champions League. Or if you won't, we will. San Beda got a mini-scare against the resillient Jose Rizal Bombers but the Lions took care of business and won Game 3 convincingly. Congrats to the Bedans for their well-deserved three peat and congratulations to Sam Ekwe for being the best import.
Congratulations to both of you but from this point below, this post has got nothing to do with you Eagles and Lions because it's time for the NBA MANIA again! Alright NBA junkies, time to fantasize your idols again. That sounds dirty but really what I mean is the Fantasy Leagues just opened again and it's the season for the NBA and everything NBA!
ESPN has already released its first set of the Power Rankings in the NBA and we, the editors of The 15th Parallel feel that we need to also make a power rankings of sort in our site because we feel that making such hullabaloo is cool and articles like those will help establish our credibility, increase our site hits and increase the volume of hate mails that come at our inboxes every six hours. The primary basis of this power ranking is a combined mix of Stein's opinions and our opinions -- meaning, from the amount of NBA Youtube videos that we watch for every team and the quantity of NBA highlights that we jack off to for every team or every player, especially Kobe Bryant. That's right, that is how objective and well-researched we are for these first power rankings of The 15th Parallel. The Boston Celtics whipped the asses of my Los Angeles Lakers last year (well because Bynum wasn't there to flat-iron them) and the Lakers are looking for a mighty revenge this year. However, there are several contending teams in the East and in the West that are also looking to prevent a rematch of last year's final. These teams are the old faces -- Detroit, San Antonio, Phoenix, New Orleans, Cleveland, Houston, Utah, and etc etc etc and some new faces. So here we go with the first NBA power rankings of The 15th Parallel!
30 Oklahoma City Thunder - The Thunder are not to be feared this season because they are just last year's Seattle Supersonics! Clay Bennett has been successful in relocating his team from Sleepless Seattle to Hurricane Oklahoma (okay that's offensive) but sadly, that doesn't mean success for their team. They will still be one of the doormats. Reaching 35 wins will be a huge milestone for this team in its inaugrual season.
29 New York Knicks - The good news: Isiah Thomas is gone forever and is done tormenting the Knicks franchise. Bad news: The current roster that Isiah left is as disgusting as him. When you see two fat and overpaid lards named Eddy Curry and Zach Randolph over your bench, you would want to shake your head in disgust. Add the unstable Stephon Marbury into the mix and you create the perfect recipe for disaster.
28 Memphis Grizzlies - Memphis will always be known to the NBA as the team that gave Pau Gasol to the Lakers for nothing. As in nothing. They got a young core of players which was the result of their firesale last year but that doesn't mean much because a young core doesn't mean shit unless they actually perform well and develop. They got Pau Gasol's brother, Marc. Care to deal him to Los Angeles for Luke Walton?
27 New Jersey Nets - The Nets have been throwing bricks all off-season. Really. While everyone in their division were active with NBA transactions, the Nets were nowhere to be found just like their leader Vince Carter when you need him to exert more effort. However, all is not lost for this team because they have a young nucleus led by guard Devin Harris and yada yada yada yada. They won't get past 41 games.
26 Minnesota Timberwolves - Adjusting to the post-Kevin Garnett has been very hard for Minnesota. Seeing him win his first championship with the Boston Celtics just makes the adjustment ten times harder for Minnesota. They so far had a good off-season, acquiring UCLA's Kevin Love from the draft and shooter Mike Miller. The bad thing is, Garnett may have retired before this team adjusts and makes a winning run.
25 Atlanta Hawks - All of their efforts last season and their miraculous run at the playoffs despite being 8 games off .500 is all history now because of Josh Childress and they did not get a high pick because they entered the playoffs last season. However, all is not lost for them because they still have Mike Bibby, Joe Johnson and Josh Smith. Their quest for the playoffs will be harder with the emergence of other East teams.
24 Indiana Pacers - We really don't know shit about this team anymore, much like the Indiana fans are apathetic to this pathetic team. The last time we heard of the Pacers being relevant was when Ron Artest was still with the team and he barrarged in to the fan stands to engage one of the fans into a boxing match. They traded Jermaine O'Neal this season to Toronto and we're sure that'll increase their irrelevance factor.
23 Charlotte Bobcats - They got Larry Brown as their coach this year. True enough this will be, in effect, translate into a couple of more wins than they had last year but if you think that they are playoff bound because of the new coaching change then go bump your head in a wall. Their roster is not playoff material however good you consider the combination of Okafor, Richardson and Gerald Wallace is. Just not enough.
22 Sacramento Kings - Reggie Theus promised to bringing the triangle offense to Suck--Sacramento this season. I think that they will have some success with this offense since they have good passing big men like Brad Miller and Kenny Thomas. They have a young core to develop and they still have Kevin Martin in Sactown. However, the departure of swingman Ron Artest to Houston will hurt their chances this year.
21 Miami Heat - Dwyane Wade is back and fresh for this coming season -- it all reflected on his game in the 2008 Olympics. Shawn Marion's not rushing to be traded is a good sign for Miami. He will most likely be traded in this scenario but at least he is willing to contribute to Miami's success. They have acquired good picks and Pat Riley is done with Miami. The problem is, who's next in line after Beasley, Wade and Marion?
20 Los Angeles Clippers - Baron Davis comes to Los Angeles and ends up on the wrong side of Los Angeles. He ends up with the Clippers. That's isn't really a bad thing if Elton Brand and Corey Maggette did not sign with other teams but such is not the case. Baron Davis will have to find a way to adjust to the system of Mike Dunleavy. The good thing: Baron has a serviceable big man in his arsenal in Chris Kaman.
19 Golden State Warriors - Baron Davis is gone to the number 20 team. But they got someone from the number 20 team -- Corey Maggette. When at full strength, Maggette can lead the run and gun offense of the Golden State Warriors. He also shoots a better percent at the freethrow line and jacks up less threes than Baron Davis. Thing though is that he's not enough of a reinforcement for a loaded Western Conference.
18 Milwaukee Bucks - Okay, they got Richard Jefferson but they still need Michael Redd and Andrew Bogut with Jefferson to play a full season and see what the results are. Ramon Sessions was an instant phenom during the last part of last year's regular season but he's got the chance to prove himself in an 82-game season. They have a good lineup that promises a playoff finish but they haven't proven shit yet.
17 Denver Nuggets - Their move of the off-season: Denver trades Marcus Camby for pieces of junk. Now there is completely no D in Enver. Carmelo Anthony won't guard a chair even if his life depended on it, much more JR Smith! There is still hope for Denver -- to outscore opponents like what the 2004-2005 Suns did. But this lineup is not as potent and that might be a problem since the West is very potent and loaded.
16 Chicago Bulls - They got Derrick Rose from the draft but he has struggle written all over him. Well in our opinion. The only thing that's sure is he won't chuck up as much shots as Kevin Durant did in Seattle. Ben Gordon's in a mess shopping for another team to play for. If they sort this mess up and do well, they will be back to being a formidable team with pieces like Hinrich, Nocioni, Noah and Thomas. That's a big IF.
15 Washington Wizards - When will the Wizards be complete and healthy again? Remains to be seen. After Gilbert Arenas signed his $111 million extension, he announces that he will miss a number of Wizards games because of his injury. Way to go, Agent Zero although they have something going for them from Arenas' absence: They were able to develop players while Arenas was out. This could work to their favor.
14 Phoenix Suns - Acquired Matt Barnes and Dragic this offseason. Not bad considering that their owner Robert Sarver is turning Phoenix into his money-making machine. Steve Nash will be older by one year again and as his retirement comes closer, the point guard duties are passed to Leandro Barbosa. Shaq's rap act will be backed up by the his partner Amare Stoudemire and a new face in Robin Lopez. They'll be fine.
13 Toronto Raptors - There is only one question hanging in the balance for this team: Jermaine O'Neal's knee. If his knee continues to be busted, that means that Colangelo's paying O'Neal for only shit -- not to mention that Toronto will continue to be a .500 team that only graces the first round then exits. If his knee holds up, they could be doing great things en route to their way to a possible Conference Finals date.
12 Portland Trailblazers - They have waited for one year for Greg Oden to play in the NBA and this is the first of the many shots of this young core at a good playoff run. Last year, they managed to stay at .500 even though they were not with Oden. But now with him, a couple of additions like Jerryd Bayless and Rudy Fernandez and the young core of Roy, Outlaw and Aldridge, great things are waiting for the Trailblazers.
11 Dallas Mavericks - We T15P editors are not really the bigest fans of the Kidd trade, especially the MFFL Pandaemonaeon. I don't know what he really thinks of it but I think Kidd still has one or two years on his tank. He can still this team to playoff appearances but certainly not a finals apperance. Josh Howard's issues with the American National Anthem has really none to do with his performance. Maybe the pot sessions do.
10 Philadelphia 76ers - They probably netted one of the biggest acquisitions this season in Elton Brand. He's a guy who will provide the low-post game and the set the tone half-court offense of the Sixers. Brand will also partner up with Dalembert for defense. Andre Iguodala's probabaly smiling to the highest heavens right now because Brand's arrival will free him up. But still, we have to yet to see how this team will work.
09 Orlando Magic - You probably think that I'm expecting too much from the Orlando Magic but we've seen how they are really a good team. With Dwight Superman Howard as their leading anchor, with Lewis and Turkoglu and a year's experience, they could be bound for greater things. There's only one thing that Orlando should do: change their point guard. Nelson isn't exactly the right person to run the Magic offense.
08 Utah Jazz - Back from a fresh stint of gold from the US Olympics and a playoff stint last season, the Jazz are expecting their 1-2 punch of Deron Williams and Carlos Boozer to be more deadly and more methodical in their attack for the Jazz. However, they haven't fixed their team defense yet so that's going to be a problem. The only guys that you can trust for defense in Utah are Andrei Kirilenko and Deron Williams.
07 Cleveland Cavaliers - Hey, Lebron is still alive and kicking in Cleveland. But the Cavs' front office did not bring him the right material to bring them back to the Finals. Worse, they did not make that much impact in the summer in trying to bring James quality material. Mo Williams isn't really the exact definition of help but alas, they are still a team that is sure to contend for a playoff spot in the EASTern Conference.
06 San Antonio Spurs - The Lakers just trashed them in last year's conference Finals. Without Andrew Bynum. Missing Manu Ginobili for two months surely would not help the Spurs' cause. The Spurs are getting older and they did not make any major deals. Oh, Tim Duncan is still there anyway. Together with his partner Tony Parker, they will definitely lead the Spurs. But the Spur odd-numbered years trend? Not this season.
05 Detroit Pistons - Six straight conference finals appearances is an impressive feat but it is also expected that a team racking that feat should have at least won it all in 1/3 of their appearances. Detroit is not that team as they have only won it all once out of those 6. Detroit is coming back with their veteran starters and their improved bench with Rodney Stuckey, Aaron Afflalo, Jarvis Hayes and Amir Johnson.
04 Houston Rockets - Getting Ron Artest puts the Rockets at the Number 4 spot. Definitely the biggest acquisition this offseason. And the Rockets got him for not that much of a cost. The only thing that remains to be seen is the Rockets' team health, especially on Yao Ming and T-Mac's health. This is definitely Tracy McGrady's biggest chance to break his second-round virginity and a legitimate shot to make a good run.
03 New Orleans Hornets - Everyone would agree if I said that we were all taken by New Orleans by a big surprise last year. Well, not this year! MVP runner-up Chris Paul will still be the leader of this team. They also got a good acquisition by sigining James Posey away from the Celtics. He should beef up the defensive game of the Hornets. Here's to hoping that Chandler will develop a post game so that he won't be so predictable.
02 Los Angeles Lakers - Compare the Lakers' pre-season problems last year and their problems this year: How to mix up Gasol and Bynum. Odom having to move over to the bench to lead the bench mob. If I was the Lakers GM, I'd like these problems rather than Kobe demanding for trades. The Lakers come back this season with a rejuvenated monster Andrew Bynum and a healthy Ariza to beef up their defense. Kobe is so excited.
01 Boston Celtics - Being the 2008 NBA champions, there is absolutely no reason for them to be ranked lower than the first spot. They still have the trio of Garnett, Pierce and Allen and they have the championship to defend. They may have let go of Posey but they quickly signed up Darius Miles to try compensate. The Celtics are definitely ready to defend their championship. Garnett and company ready to rock and roll.