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KG Canaleta in: "Upside and Responsibility"
Wed, Jan 12, 2005 by Pandaemonaeon
Greetings faithful readers of the 15th Parallel. This is everyone's favorite one-dimensional slam dunking machine, KG Canaleta, here to tell you that I'm no longer a one-dimensional slam dunking machine. Sounds impossible? Well, if there's anything I learned from Coach Boyzie, it's nothing's impossible if you set your heart into it. I was doing that before, but it's kind of half-hearted which explains why I always fell flat. I tell ya, I've put up with a lot during my first 2 seasons. Journalists and blogs all over the inter-web proclaimed me as a bust; Threads about me had 2-3 page views and replies were mostly questions about how to add avatars. I haven't developed emotions yet so I didn't know how to react to such vile besmirching! But with the departure of several of our best players, a huge burden was suddenly entrusted to me: Leading UE next season. I decided that it's time to step up and prove to everyone that my "real" breakout season was only a year away. That KG Canaleta is for real... and not some one-dimensional slam dunking machine.
I spent the entire year off, re-inventing myself with a series of grueling training regimens. I started off by watching an NBA game and happened to see someone named Swift that was blocking shots left and right. I was so impressed at how he'll come out of nowhere and block shots then do some hand gesture that Marc Pingris will blatantly rip off. I met up with the best (they were balding so that's a sure sign that they've been to the "trenches") big man coaches to inquire about the fine art of blocking shots and they told me that it's about timing and anticipation and what Swift is doing is not exactly "fundamentally sound" whatever that means. They recommended Mutombo and Will Chandel-something for future references and since I don't know the other guy, I watched Mutombo instead and boy was he a big embarassment! He was getting dunked on a lot and his coach was even screaming at him, so I guess the coaches were giving me bad advice. Perhaps they're afraid that the KG Train is going to drive their crummy Alumni Assocation to bankruptcy once he breaks out... oops, I'm starting to drift off-topic so enough about that. Not long after, I eventually figured out that shotblocking is all a matter of athletic ability -- all I have to do is wait for the ball to come to me and jump straight up as high as I can to swat it. There's no proper way like those has-beens were trying to sucker me into earlier; It's all pure athleticism, baby.
I also had the chance to meet up with a rebounding coach and he told me that boxing out and knowing where the ball will fall are keys to being a successful rebounder. After two hours of trying to explain it to me and why it's important, he invited me over to the gym for a short drill. Once we got there, my fears of playing on the shaded area intensified as I was getting shoved around and denied any inch of space. If I try to guess which way the ball ends up, it doesn't really end up in there either. So I decided to ditch that bullshit and did it the easy way -- I soared above my man high up to get rebounds. He still held a considerable rebounding edge, but it's better than banging downlow which I'm not really cut out for. That's also the same reason why you see me taking a large number of jumpshots and fadeaways downlow.
I completed my training by growing my hair into an Afro and watching endless tapes of dominant centers such as Primoz Brezec and Sam Dalembert go to work. The rest, as you saw, was history. I helped carry the team to the Final Four with my awesome display of tenacity and versatility, lighting up the stat sheets with some dazzling performances. Unfortunately, our run fell short but I'm hoping that the PBA scouts were at least watching and are not even thinking twice of which player they'll use that pick on.
I'm so confident with my abilities and how far I have progressed that I think I might even end up being the #1 pick because I'm that damn good! Why you ask? Take a look at the prospects on the board! My close competition is Arwind Santos! Arwind Santos! That guy is so overrated I don't even know where to start! We're both tall, lanky, a Big Mac away from anorexia, that can rebound and shoot from outside, so what's so special about him? It can't be because of his defense because hello idiot fan, who's leading the league in blocked shots? Me. The Almighty KG. Heh! I don't even remember him being compared to an NBA player! His only edge is that he posed for some stupid magazines, but that's just a bunch of faggotry anyway!
And what about the other players that declared for the Draft? Are they a three-time slam dunk champion? And don't laugh at how recycled my dunks are, it's just that the competition is mediocre that I don't even have to pull out the big guns yet. I mean, it's so pathetic that the only reason I lost is because I messed up one of my dunks! Can you believe that? That's practically handing the trophy over more than winning it, and I suppose JC Intal is fine with that considering that there's no chance in hell he can beat me with those pansy-ass dunks. He doesn't even have the balls to do a honeydip without an elbow sleeve!
The Draft is 7 months from now and whichever franchise ends up with the #1 pick isn't going to be disappointed. I'm going to bring the fans back to the seats as they await another amazing play courtesy of yours truly; whether it's a tomahawk on EJ Feihl or swatting Topex Robinson's shot to the stands, I'm going to make sure that you get your money's worth.
KG Canaleta is the future of Philippine basketball.
Wed, Jan 12, 2005 by Pandaemonaeon
Greetings faithful readers of the 15th Parallel. This is everyone's favorite one-dimensional slam dunking machine, KG Canaleta, here to tell you that I'm no longer a one-dimensional slam dunking machine. Sounds impossible? Well, if there's anything I learned from Coach Boyzie, it's nothing's impossible if you set your heart into it. I was doing that before, but it's kind of half-hearted which explains why I always fell flat. I tell ya, I've put up with a lot during my first 2 seasons. Journalists and blogs all over the inter-web proclaimed me as a bust; Threads about me had 2-3 page views and replies were mostly questions about how to add avatars. I haven't developed emotions yet so I didn't know how to react to such vile besmirching! But with the departure of several of our best players, a huge burden was suddenly entrusted to me: Leading UE next season. I decided that it's time to step up and prove to everyone that my "real" breakout season was only a year away. That KG Canaleta is for real... and not some one-dimensional slam dunking machine.I spent the entire year off, re-inventing myself with a series of grueling training regimens. I started off by watching an NBA game and happened to see someone named Swift that was blocking shots left and right. I was so impressed at how he'll come out of nowhere and block shots then do some hand gesture that Marc Pingris will blatantly rip off. I met up with the best (they were balding so that's a sure sign that they've been to the "trenches") big man coaches to inquire about the fine art of blocking shots and they told me that it's about timing and anticipation and what Swift is doing is not exactly "fundamentally sound" whatever that means. They recommended Mutombo and Will Chandel-something for future references and since I don't know the other guy, I watched Mutombo instead and boy was he a big embarassment! He was getting dunked on a lot and his coach was even screaming at him, so I guess the coaches were giving me bad advice. Perhaps they're afraid that the KG Train is going to drive their crummy Alumni Assocation to bankruptcy once he breaks out... oops, I'm starting to drift off-topic so enough about that. Not long after, I eventually figured out that shotblocking is all a matter of athletic ability -- all I have to do is wait for the ball to come to me and jump straight up as high as I can to swat it. There's no proper way like those has-beens were trying to sucker me into earlier; It's all pure athleticism, baby.
I also had the chance to meet up with a rebounding coach and he told me that boxing out and knowing where the ball will fall are keys to being a successful rebounder. After two hours of trying to explain it to me and why it's important, he invited me over to the gym for a short drill. Once we got there, my fears of playing on the shaded area intensified as I was getting shoved around and denied any inch of space. If I try to guess which way the ball ends up, it doesn't really end up in there either. So I decided to ditch that bullshit and did it the easy way -- I soared above my man high up to get rebounds. He still held a considerable rebounding edge, but it's better than banging downlow which I'm not really cut out for. That's also the same reason why you see me taking a large number of jumpshots and fadeaways downlow.I completed my training by growing my hair into an Afro and watching endless tapes of dominant centers such as Primoz Brezec and Sam Dalembert go to work. The rest, as you saw, was history. I helped carry the team to the Final Four with my awesome display of tenacity and versatility, lighting up the stat sheets with some dazzling performances. Unfortunately, our run fell short but I'm hoping that the PBA scouts were at least watching and are not even thinking twice of which player they'll use that pick on.
I'm so confident with my abilities and how far I have progressed that I think I might even end up being the #1 pick because I'm that damn good! Why you ask? Take a look at the prospects on the board! My close competition is Arwind Santos! Arwind Santos! That guy is so overrated I don't even know where to start! We're both tall, lanky, a Big Mac away from anorexia, that can rebound and shoot from outside, so what's so special about him? It can't be because of his defense because hello idiot fan, who's leading the league in blocked shots? Me. The Almighty KG. Heh! I don't even remember him being compared to an NBA player! His only edge is that he posed for some stupid magazines, but that's just a bunch of faggotry anyway!
And what about the other players that declared for the Draft? Are they a three-time slam dunk champion? And don't laugh at how recycled my dunks are, it's just that the competition is mediocre that I don't even have to pull out the big guns yet. I mean, it's so pathetic that the only reason I lost is because I messed up one of my dunks! Can you believe that? That's practically handing the trophy over more than winning it, and I suppose JC Intal is fine with that considering that there's no chance in hell he can beat me with those pansy-ass dunks. He doesn't even have the balls to do a honeydip without an elbow sleeve!
The Draft is 7 months from now and whichever franchise ends up with the #1 pick isn't going to be disappointed. I'm going to bring the fans back to the seats as they await another amazing play courtesy of yours truly; whether it's a tomahawk on EJ Feihl or swatting Topex Robinson's shot to the stands, I'm going to make sure that you get your money's worth.
KG Canaleta is the future of Philippine basketball.
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