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Secrets and Mysteries of the UAAP
Fri, Jul 4, 2008 by Pandaemonaeon
Ever since collegiate super powers Ateneo and De La Salle moved in to continue the next chapter of their epic rivalry alongside an equally distinguished catalog of scholastic institutions, the UAAP has been widely considered as the alpha league in university athletics.
In lieau of this weekend's much-anticipated opening, the 15th Parallel will attempt to underscore some of the league's highs and lows. If you're thinking that we're going to talk about their best PBA exports or some shit like that, then you have sadly underestimated the devious nature of this site. Instead, we're going to explore the rotten underbelly of the UAAP and list some of the biggest conundrums that have baffled both fans and experts alike.
Arwind Santos Eligibility Scandal (2002) - what do you do if a rival school snatches arguably the most coveted prospect of that year's recruiting pool? Most people would probably just let this small infraction go away and let karma do its thing, but you're probably a Filipino so caving in to the whims of your inner crab is as irresistible as a heroin addict's next fix or pinching the rosy cheek of a wide-eyed infant whom you fathered with a Cindy's waitress.
Upon discovering that Arwind participated in numerous fishfry leagues prior to joining the UAAP, the unholy alliance of UP and DLSU threw the book at his eligibility for the year, citing that he has yet to complete the required one-year residency period. However the case was junked faster than an LA Tenorio kidney jab as the UAAP board magically pushed the goal posts and came up with a new rule that allowed Arwind to play. Surprisingly no one appealed this WWE-style rule change and it was all but forgotten in a week's time.
The "Cool Cash" Controversy (2002) - Mike Cortez was the heart and soul of a DLSU team that nearly registered a rare sweep of the regular season and narrowly vetting an MVP trophy for himself along the way. Known for his business-like demeanor and a polished game that scouts crave for in their point guard, the last thing you'd expect is Mike dribbling incoherently into a sea of defenders -- but that he did. On every possession. On the most important game of his career. There was no conceivable reason that gave even a shred of meaning to Mike's inscrutable actions as the entire UAAP community desperately searched for answers to this unexplained phenomena, to no avail.
Spontaneous Electric Fan Combustion (2003) - while the Blue Eagle Gym (or more appropriately known by its fitting acronym - BEG) is known for its soaring temperatures and mediocre ventilation, no one expected that tragedy will strike one drizzly August afternoon. During a televised match between UE and FEU, an electric fan suddenly burst into flames, coalesced with sparks of neon. Showing an intuitive grasp of electrical safety, FEU players quickly doused the fan with jugs of water, prompting the normally meek Studio23 commentating team to remark at their idiocy. Miraculously, no one was harmed and the game continued unabated.
Brazilian Blunder (2004) - Brazilian import Rob Bornancin was a defensive stalwart that hounded some of the best perimeter scorers in the league and wasn't a slouch on offense either as he was one of the few notable players in a forgettable UP era. My apologies, it's still forgettable today. That said, it came as a huge surprise to Fighting Maroons fans and as well as UAAP aficionados when Rob disappeared abruptly after the 2003 campaign, leaving only the equivalent of a suicide note via an e-mail, denoting that he had only recently discovered that his subjects were not recognized in his country, and as such will not be credited. Poor guy.
Come Original (2004) - eager to prove how "unique" and "unconventional" he is, Adamson Falcons swingman Mark Agustin pulls no stops in declaring his love for all things "different", be it engaging in edgy, unpopular activities such as listening to alternative rock music and having tattoos. Not satisfied with this incredible display of "originality", Mark unveiled a new hairstyle in the 2004 season by having a thin braid (reminiscent of the Jedi Knights from George Lucas's Star Wars series) protrude from his nape. No one knows what other trendsetting milestones the high-flying Agustin has in store but one thing's for sure -- it's different!
Hate The Player, Not The Rim (2005) - banking on the unathletic genes of Filipinos and their inability to dunk with two hands, very few establishments has yet to install breakaway rims to prevent damage from rim-rattling slams. Little did they know that the most unlikely candidate would be the one to put their theory to the test-- Jojo Hate. Proving that the ball is indeed round, even for his buoyancy and 2-inch vertical leap, the man known as the "Ultimate Falcon" surprised everyone by throwing it down during one of their warm-ups, reducing the basketball rim to unrecognizable shambles and creating an uproar among the millions of viewers, who had no idea why they're being treated to 60-minutes worth of commercials.
Whispers in the Wind (2005) - maintaining that his infamous cheapshot was provoked by Arwind's whisperings of "sweet nothings to his ear", a joint investigation by a prestigious panel of paranormal and scientific experts was carried out to determine the veracity of the rogue team manager's claims. Upon careful examination of the video, James Sandok (27) posited the lapses of such claim, arguing that Arwind's lips remained sealed the entire time and the considerable distance between Manny's ear and the mouth of the subject further contributes to the impossibility of his accusation. Skeptics narrowed it down to either ventriloquism (which the cager has no clear history of) or a ruse concocted by Manny to save face. Bobby Junnell, a well-known parapsychologist, claims that there's a strong likelihood Manny has intercepted the inner thoughts of Santos's thinking at the time and averted Arwind's purported plan of murder before it happened. Legit or not, Manny's tipster would remain as one of the most elusive cryptids in league history.
Near-Rampage Experience (2006) - not letting a suspension get in the way of their annual chaos and disharmony, DLSU was once again in the spotlight of controversy as a 60-year-old man wearing a Joseph Yeo jersey unexpectedly went on a violent frenzy, challenging every JRU fan to a battle of fisticuffs during the Fil-Oil Invitational Cup before being subdued by security personnel with a combination of tasers and hand-to-hand techniques. It remains to be seen what fueled the old man's sudden path of rage as paranormal experts have numerous speculations ranging from subliminal messaging to crop circles, while skeptics offered a more grounded rationale citing Jack Daniels and barbiturates as the main proponents.
Bon-Bon Gate (2006) - needing a win against the FEU Tamaraws to keep their season alive, UE astoundingly decided to sit their "star player" Bon-Bon Custodio just mere hours before the game. Point shaving accusations were aplenty as fans speculated on what led to the suspension of the turnover machine, but to this day the real reason is kept in utmost secrecy.
Fri, Jul 4, 2008 by Pandaemonaeon
Ever since collegiate super powers Ateneo and De La Salle moved in to continue the next chapter of their epic rivalry alongside an equally distinguished catalog of scholastic institutions, the UAAP has been widely considered as the alpha league in university athletics.In lieau of this weekend's much-anticipated opening, the 15th Parallel will attempt to underscore some of the league's highs and lows. If you're thinking that we're going to talk about their best PBA exports or some shit like that, then you have sadly underestimated the devious nature of this site. Instead, we're going to explore the rotten underbelly of the UAAP and list some of the biggest conundrums that have baffled both fans and experts alike.
Arwind Santos Eligibility Scandal (2002) - what do you do if a rival school snatches arguably the most coveted prospect of that year's recruiting pool? Most people would probably just let this small infraction go away and let karma do its thing, but you're probably a Filipino so caving in to the whims of your inner crab is as irresistible as a heroin addict's next fix or pinching the rosy cheek of a wide-eyed infant whom you fathered with a Cindy's waitress.
Upon discovering that Arwind participated in numerous fishfry leagues prior to joining the UAAP, the unholy alliance of UP and DLSU threw the book at his eligibility for the year, citing that he has yet to complete the required one-year residency period. However the case was junked faster than an LA Tenorio kidney jab as the UAAP board magically pushed the goal posts and came up with a new rule that allowed Arwind to play. Surprisingly no one appealed this WWE-style rule change and it was all but forgotten in a week's time.
The "Cool Cash" Controversy (2002) - Mike Cortez was the heart and soul of a DLSU team that nearly registered a rare sweep of the regular season and narrowly vetting an MVP trophy for himself along the way. Known for his business-like demeanor and a polished game that scouts crave for in their point guard, the last thing you'd expect is Mike dribbling incoherently into a sea of defenders -- but that he did. On every possession. On the most important game of his career. There was no conceivable reason that gave even a shred of meaning to Mike's inscrutable actions as the entire UAAP community desperately searched for answers to this unexplained phenomena, to no avail.
Spontaneous Electric Fan Combustion (2003) - while the Blue Eagle Gym (or more appropriately known by its fitting acronym - BEG) is known for its soaring temperatures and mediocre ventilation, no one expected that tragedy will strike one drizzly August afternoon. During a televised match between UE and FEU, an electric fan suddenly burst into flames, coalesced with sparks of neon. Showing an intuitive grasp of electrical safety, FEU players quickly doused the fan with jugs of water, prompting the normally meek Studio23 commentating team to remark at their idiocy. Miraculously, no one was harmed and the game continued unabated.Brazilian Blunder (2004) - Brazilian import Rob Bornancin was a defensive stalwart that hounded some of the best perimeter scorers in the league and wasn't a slouch on offense either as he was one of the few notable players in a forgettable UP era. My apologies, it's still forgettable today. That said, it came as a huge surprise to Fighting Maroons fans and as well as UAAP aficionados when Rob disappeared abruptly after the 2003 campaign, leaving only the equivalent of a suicide note via an e-mail, denoting that he had only recently discovered that his subjects were not recognized in his country, and as such will not be credited. Poor guy.
Come Original (2004) - eager to prove how "unique" and "unconventional" he is, Adamson Falcons swingman Mark Agustin pulls no stops in declaring his love for all things "different", be it engaging in edgy, unpopular activities such as listening to alternative rock music and having tattoos. Not satisfied with this incredible display of "originality", Mark unveiled a new hairstyle in the 2004 season by having a thin braid (reminiscent of the Jedi Knights from George Lucas's Star Wars series) protrude from his nape. No one knows what other trendsetting milestones the high-flying Agustin has in store but one thing's for sure -- it's different!
Hate The Player, Not The Rim (2005) - banking on the unathletic genes of Filipinos and their inability to dunk with two hands, very few establishments has yet to install breakaway rims to prevent damage from rim-rattling slams. Little did they know that the most unlikely candidate would be the one to put their theory to the test-- Jojo Hate. Proving that the ball is indeed round, even for his buoyancy and 2-inch vertical leap, the man known as the "Ultimate Falcon" surprised everyone by throwing it down during one of their warm-ups, reducing the basketball rim to unrecognizable shambles and creating an uproar among the millions of viewers, who had no idea why they're being treated to 60-minutes worth of commercials.
Whispers in the Wind (2005) - maintaining that his infamous cheapshot was provoked by Arwind's whisperings of "sweet nothings to his ear", a joint investigation by a prestigious panel of paranormal and scientific experts was carried out to determine the veracity of the rogue team manager's claims. Upon careful examination of the video, James Sandok (27) posited the lapses of such claim, arguing that Arwind's lips remained sealed the entire time and the considerable distance between Manny's ear and the mouth of the subject further contributes to the impossibility of his accusation. Skeptics narrowed it down to either ventriloquism (which the cager has no clear history of) or a ruse concocted by Manny to save face. Bobby Junnell, a well-known parapsychologist, claims that there's a strong likelihood Manny has intercepted the inner thoughts of Santos's thinking at the time and averted Arwind's purported plan of murder before it happened. Legit or not, Manny's tipster would remain as one of the most elusive cryptids in league history.
Near-Rampage Experience (2006) - not letting a suspension get in the way of their annual chaos and disharmony, DLSU was once again in the spotlight of controversy as a 60-year-old man wearing a Joseph Yeo jersey unexpectedly went on a violent frenzy, challenging every JRU fan to a battle of fisticuffs during the Fil-Oil Invitational Cup before being subdued by security personnel with a combination of tasers and hand-to-hand techniques. It remains to be seen what fueled the old man's sudden path of rage as paranormal experts have numerous speculations ranging from subliminal messaging to crop circles, while skeptics offered a more grounded rationale citing Jack Daniels and barbiturates as the main proponents.Bon-Bon Gate (2006) - needing a win against the FEU Tamaraws to keep their season alive, UE astoundingly decided to sit their "star player" Bon-Bon Custodio just mere hours before the game. Point shaving accusations were aplenty as fans speculated on what led to the suspension of the turnover machine, but to this day the real reason is kept in utmost secrecy.
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